Love her when you let her go

Christmas Break is over. *Collective sigh of resignation*

Its about time to head back to school and head back to work. Our schedules are about to invade our blissful holiday merriment. And I think I need to ask the question, How can I love my wife when we’re not together?

How can I love her when I’m at work/school and she’s at home? How can I love her when I’m at home and she’s at work/school? Here are some answers:

1. Be faithful to her in my thoughts and actions. (This perhaps is the obvious one. But some things that go without saying really should be said.) When I made my wedding vows, I vowed not to desire other women. I vowed not to seek from any other person the emotional or sexual support that only my wife can rightfully give. Honor, truthfulness, and freedom are at stake here. Guys, our reception by God is at stake here according to 1 Peter 3:7.

2. Pray real prayers for her. I want to pray for her, and not just pray superficial prayers but deep and involved prayers… prayers that change me and make me love her more as I talk with God about her.

When I was long-distance dating my then-girlfriend-now-wife, when I couldn’t be on the phone with her, I would often pray for her. I printed up a sheet of specific prayer requests and stuck the sheet in my wallet and pulled it out when I was thinking about her. One of the prayer requests on the sheet was based on Paul’s prayers in Ephesians 1:15-21 and 3:14-19. That request has really stuck with me and I pray it for her (and myself) even today:

Lord, I pray that You would daily and hourly open her eyes and give her a spirit of wisdom and revelation in knowing You, Your Word, and Your love.

3. Send or leave notes or texts or calls for her. If I send her a text from the bus on the ride to work, she’ll be so happy. If I leave notes for her at home, she’ll get a smile from them. These really help her feel missed and loved. Her gratefulness is a great reinforcement too! She has told me many times how much she appreciates those notes or calls.

4. Think and plan for us. We all have lots of concerns during a usual work or school day (Wow, I have to help wait on the party of 35 that is coming in at 1pm! I have to memorize a new item from our menu! I have that 10 page paper to turn in for Dr. So-and-So! I need to read 50 pages of the textbook!).

I don’t want to give my wife just the leftovers of my mental energy. I want to spend at least a couple minutes at the beginning and end of my day thinking about something neat we could do together. I make it my goal to be able to tell her one thing that made me laugh and one thing that made me upset from the day. When I give some thought to us during my busy day, it helps with the transition when I come home from work or get done with homework. It keeps me from being a loner potato on the couch once I get home.

Those are some helpful ways to show love to my dearest when we’re not together. I’m sure if I keep my eyes and ears open, I’ll find even more ways. But right now, I’ll have to excuse myself… I’m going to go send my wife a little text!

How do you show love to your spouse or loved ones when you are not physically present with them?


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